Questions in Timelessness

Squished into this phenomenal

Capsule of a flying vehicle,

Strangers and friends.

Forced together,

Watch out for the Corona virus!

Masks and gloves all around us.

Defiant

Flying often invokes a sense of timelessness,

Of free falling

Either into an unknown world of dreams

And hopes

Of holidays and time together

Of a new place

And new ideas

Or

Of going back into reality

Back into our mundane lives and routines.

All our distractions cover up,

Postpone the digging into issues

The contemplation

That timelessness offers.

Possibly until closer to our last breaths

So be it

Keep doing doing doing

In order to feel useful

To feel alive

To forget

And just be a part of the busy moving world

Our new digital world

Striving

Succeeding

Driving

Deciding

But the calm and space,

Of vacation,

Of time away,

Of beautiful white mountain tops

Meditative moments

Trudging through the depths

Of powder snow

Alone for miles

in the crisp winter air

And oh the deep, restful sleep.

Coming to the end of that

Invokes the questions:

“Where is home?”

“Why do I live where I do?”

“What keeps me there?”

“What would be different if I were elsewhere?

And of course,

“Who am I?”

“Is there a purpose to my life?”

Is there any answer to these age old, universal queries….?

Well certainly not a singular one

But alone and listless I do feel, at times

Even though anti-depressants do their thing,

It is within reason!

So the only way is to dig into these thoughts:

Possibly focus on doing what I do,

Mother, wife, and teacher

Better

Or

Create something new perhaps

A new dance

Or piece of writing.

Like this.

That seems to instantly wipe away my anguish

Just like a quick pick-me-up afternoon coffee

It leaves me with a sense of renewed energy

Of having achieved something.

It helps me feel like I am a part of the substrata

Of human existence,

That’s moving

Very fast

It makes me feel like I am contributing

Of course that’s all it is

An illusion, of being powerful,

Of being integrated,

Of succeeding

Yet I want the still moments,

The sitting

The perspective gained through travel

The moments of joyful togetherness

The sense of belonging.

It’s in a safe space that the anger has an outlet

In knowing that it’s a very personal thing,

A frustration

Where it is not warranted to turn the fire outwards

And so if by being held safely even in anger,

Once it metamorphoses into sadness

It can then be investigated

Sadness that I might be wasting away the years I have

That I might regret….

And that in turn reveals more clearly

What it is that I want to be involved in:

More being,

More sleeping,

Any mother of premature twins will prioritize sleep for the rest of their lives!

More reading.

Being focused enough not to read and re-read the page over and over is a relatively new blessing

And that too reveals what it is I want to expend my energy and time on

Family and true friends

Loving and love making,

Dancing and writing

Enjoying music and theatre

Cinema and

Togetherness

And the discovery of new worlds

Many are on my book shelf, right at my fingertips

In my own neighborhood,

and others are miles away

Beyond the stars and lifetimes away.

This all sounds ok for now,

Hopefully for the next few decades,

if that,

Of what’s left for me here.

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