As part of the series : A Monday Morning Guest Post in Multicultural Mothering
Maro: I speak English, French, Spanish (although it’s getting rusty), and not as much Italian as I should. I grew up in small towns not far from Ottawa, first on the Quebec side and then on the Ontario side, but my background and extended family reach from Armenia to Hawaii. My husband, Eric, was born in Montreal to Italian parents. He speaks English, French, Italian (although he denies it, since he doesn’t think his grandparents’ dialect counts), and a bit of Spanish.
We have a baby girl, Myriam, who was born in March 2011. She’s working on her consonants these days- baba, dada, ida, lida, nana… but I’m not sure which language, exactly. I’m not sure she knows, either.
Three Cheers for Family
Yesterday, Myriam and I went to visit her Nonno (grandfather in Italian). He came to the door to let us in, and immediately bent down to see M in her stroller.
“Myriam! Come stai?”
She beamed and waved her arms in excitement.
He plucked her out of her stroller and peeled her snowsuit off of her, tossed her up in the air a few times while she shrieked with joy, and then handed her an orange to play with. She was delighted. As an afterthought, he said, “Hi, Maro, how are you?” M didn’t even look at me. She was engrossed in her orange.
My father-in-law retired this year, just in time to become an eager and available babysitter. He took fine arts in University once upon a time, and used to do ceramics. He still has his potter’s wheel and equipment, and a couple of years ago he gave me pottery lessons at my request. Now, we go and visit once a week. M hangs out with her Nonno, and I work on my pottery. It’s a win-win-win arrangement. I’m not sure who enjoys their time together more: M or Nonno. And I treasure the couple of hours a week I have to spin a wheel and get lost in my thoughts without worrying about my baby. It’s nice to have an opportunity to zone out and completely lose track of time in the way artistic creation allows you to do.
I grew up 5000 kilometers away from all four of my grandparents, so I never had the sort of relationship with them that my daughter has with hers. We wrote letters to them, and spoke on the phone, and once a year they came and visited us or we went and visited them. I always felt close to my extended family. I never really thought about what a difference it would make if we lived close by.
I never really expected my kids to live close to their grandparents, either. As a child, I used to proudly tell people that on my father’s side of the family there had been one immigration per generation for the past four generations. People would ask me, “And will you continue the trend and be the fifth generation to emigrate somewhere?” and I would reply, “probably”. I used to flip through my parents’ National Geographic collection and dream about all the places I could go. When we were little, my brother and I played a game with our globe. We took turns spinning it as fast as we could, and then letting one finger drag on its surface as it turned. Wherever that finger landed when the globe stopped spinning is where we would live. Often, of course, we ended up living in the Pacific Ocean. But many other possibilities also presented themselves.
A decade or so later I went to University and studied International Development, and then Geography. I assumed I would end up living somewhere in Africa or Latin America, at least for a few years. It’s funny how life happens to you. You take one step after another as they present themselves, and you often end up somewhere very different from where you expected to find yourself. I read somewhere once that life is like “stepping stones in the fog”. You only see one at a time, and you step forward not knowing where the trail of stepping stones will lead you in the end.
And so here I am, living in a Canadian city where I have spent most of the past twelve years, surrounded by extended family. Almost all of E’s family lives in Montreal, and in the past couple of years my parents and two sisters moved here. Myriam sees her entire extended family on a very regular basis and she’s only 8 months old. And I think it’s great. It’s convenient and wonderful to have excited and available family members around who can babysit when I need to do something or go somewhere baby-less. After Myriam was born they filled up our fridge with good food and helped clean our apartment. When we visit them, they play with her and give E and I a chance to eat dinner uninterrupted. The traditional family support system makes a lot of sense.
When I thought about being the fifth generation of immigration in my family, I thought mostly about the benefits of living in another part of the world. The richness of leaning different languages and getting to know other people and cultures, as many of you guest posters have talked about. I didn’t think about the richness of living surrounded by family in a familiar place and culture. Right now I’m happy to be here, both for the extra help and support it gives us, and because of the relationship my little one can have with her doting extended family.
2 thoughts on “Three Cheers for Family: A Guest Post by Maro Adjemian”
Thanks for your lovely post Maro. It’s good to hear about your sweet relationship with your father-in-law. We are heading to Lebanon in a few days so we’ll be surrounded by some family as well. The kids will be happy to hang out with their grandparents, and I will have some quiet time to do my yoga practice, blog, and connect with friends 🙂
I remember the spring break I spent with your family when you taught me the globe game! I don’t remember where it said I’d end up – maybe China?!
Hi Maro, I enjoyed reading your post – thanks for sharing. I grew up in Ottawa as well, and my parents have run a restaurant in Aylmer, on the Quebec side, for decades now. My parents immigrated to Canada in the sixties and my siblings and I grew up in a traditional Chinese household – with our grandparents. My grandfather died when I was very young, but I was very close to my grandmother and value the relationship I was able to develop with her as a result of this regular contact. I think you’ve brought up an interesting and valuable point of view. I live in China now, where I met my current partner (and where I met Natasha too), and I wonder about having kids and where I would want to raise them.
p.s. I love your story about the pottery wheel as well. I imagine as a parent it is much more difficult to find that time to yourself, and I think you’ve found a wonderful exchange.